


HollyHock

by UltVisual



Category: YG Treasure Box
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, YG treasure box - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 10:33:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17424233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UltVisual/pseuds/UltVisual
Summary: Hyunsuk never really thought he'd find his soulmate





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i had to post this before the last episode just in case any of them get eliminated lol

Hyunsuk notices the flower when he's changing one day. It blooms along the side of his calf, the wide ruffled petals pink with a deeper red center. The color is still pale though, with a look similar to the translucency of water color. Hyunsuk blinks at it, mind blanking out for a moment. The sight of it is so sudden and unexpected that he can't fully grasp what exactly he's seeing. Once he does finally manage to grasp what it is, Hyunsuk spends a moment wracking his brain for who could've caused it. He doesn't really remember any interactions of note from the past day or two, nor can he think of anyone who could, in his opinion, be his soulmate.

Because that's what it is. A soulmark. The stuff of romance stories and several popular dramas, soulmarks and the potential following relationships aren't really that common. Although all that's needed to trigger the forming of one is an interaction of some kind, they're still mysterious and uncommon enough to carry an air of magical romance. They seemly form at random, sometimes blooming between people who have know each other for years before, and sometimes appearing at a simple thank you to a stranger who holds the train door open for you.

Hyunsuk pokes at it experimentally, but the skin doesn't feel any different than normal, just the usual mild soreness from long hours spent training. He had sort of expected to feel something if it formed, but he can’t recall any kind of weird feeling in his leg from the day before. After a few minutes more of scrutinizing, he finishes changing and leaves his room. While Hyunsuk might normally be more concerned with finding out who exactly is the source of the flower, he doubts the rest of Treasure A would take kindly to the distraction. So Hyunsuk makes himself a promise to investigate later, and pushes it out of his mind.

"Are you leaving now?" Junkyu asks from where he's sitting on the floor eating breakfast. He's watching a drama on the tv, volume muted, and Hyunsuk watches for a second as the female lead exclaims silently before dramatically falling into the arms of the male lead.

"Yeah," Hyunsuk says, tearing his eyes away from where the male lead is now tenderly cradling the female lead's face. "You coming?"

"Sure."

The dorm's located close to the main building, and they walk. The weather's not too cold, just approaching the border of winter, still comfortable. They walk at a brisk but relaxed pace, not quite eager to officially begin their day. The leaves have mostly fallen, brownish leaf litter lining the curbs. Hyunsuk squints up at the bare branches, stark against the whitish grey of the cloudy sky, and sighs.

"Something on your mind?" Junkyu asks, cocking his head questioningly at Hyunsuk.

"Not really," He replies. He pauses a moment, then turns slightly to face Junkyu. "Do you ever think about soulmates?"

Junkyu shrugs. "I mean, sure, who doesn't?"

"But do you want to find yours?" Hyunsuk pushes.

"I'm not gonna abandon you guys now to go looking for love," Junkyu says with a smile. "Why? You considering it?"

"Naw," Hyunsuk says, burrowing into the collar of his jacket "I was just browsing online and saw some post about it."

Junkyu gives him a considering look, but they've arrived at the building and don't talk of it any further. The others are all already there, and Seunghun gives them a sort of look that Hyunsuk assumes is supposed to be chastising, a slight frown that just barely tugs on the corners of his mouth. "You should've been here earlier."

"Sorry," Hyunsuk replies, shrugging off his jacket. "What did we miss?"

"Nothing much, honestly," Doyoung says. Seunghun gives Doyoung the same kind of look, but Doyoung doesn't seem particularly affected by it.

"We should probably start practicing," Yedam says.

"Probably a good idea," Junkyu agrees.

 

Byunggon starts the music, being the closest to the laptop, and they fall into formation, the formation requiring minimal thought after so many repetitions. Although Hyunsuk might've lapsed in his promise to himself not to think about soulmates earlier, it's easy to lose himself in the rhythm of the music and their occasional critiques of one another. The simple routine lets any other thoughts drift away, and Hyunsuk lets himself pretend that it's just another ordinary day.

They take a more substantial break after a few hours, flopping onto the benches and floor in relief, muscles protesting. Hyunsuk sighs, and rolls over so he's lying on his back on the scuffed wooden floor of the dance studio.

"Want some water?" Byunggon offers. Hyunsuk nods, and holds out his arms to accept it. Byunggon picks up the water bottle, but instead of handing it over, tosses it. Miraculously, he throws it with enough accuracy that it manages to bounce off Hyunsuk's hand before falling to the ground. Hyunsuk makes a weak noise of suffering and drops his arms to the ground with a thud, the water bottle out of reach. Byunggon grins at his dramatic display, but walks over and finally hands the bottle over to Hyunsuk directly.

"Thanks." Hyunsuk says after he's taken a drink.

"You're welcome," Byunggon replies, but his voice sounds slightly distracted. Hyunsuk looks over to him and raises an eyebrow. The other trainee is staring at him with something like expectancy.

"Is there something on my face?" He asks, trying to diffuse the air. It feels heavy all of a sudden, pressing down and around Hyunsuk in a way that makes him feel like he's suffocating. It's an odd sensation, especially with Byunggon, who he's usually so comfortable around.

“Nah,” Byunggon says, looking away and taking a drink of his own water. “Just zoning out.”

Hyunsuk watches Byunggon as they begin practicing again, but the other boy seems focussed, any of his previous distraction seemingly gone. Placated for the time being, Hyunsuk turns away, and absorbs himself in the choreography.

+

Hyunsuk has trouble sleeping that night. Although he promised himself that he wouldn’t think about the soulmark until after Yg Treasure Box was finished, he finds his thoughts inevitably drifting back towards it. He’d never really put too much importance on finding his soulmate, too preoccupied with training and school. Sure, he had thought about it before, but not with any more enthusiasm than the average person. Truth be told, Hyunsuk had barely even imagined that he would ever find his soulmate. Sure, at one point or another he had entertained the thought of finding them, but it had always seemed like little more than an idle daydream. Soulmarks had seemed like something all too removed from Hyunsuk’s ordinary life.

Lying in the dark of his room, he can hear the low noises of night time traffic outside and the whir of the dorm’s heating systems. Their dorm’s on a high enough floor that the noise of traffic is muted, and the heating vent seems loud by comparison. By this time everyone else is asleep, and there’s a distinct lack of human sounds. 

Hyunsuk sighs and gets up, giving up on sleeping for the moment. He shuffles out into the main room, where a dim glow meets his tired eyes. Surprisingly, he’s not the only one awake despite the odd hour. Byunggon’s sitting on the couch, watching something on his phone. He looks up when Hyunsuk enters the room, and gives a small wave of acknowledgement.

“Can’t sleep?” He asks, moving over on the couch as Hyunsuk sits down next to him. Hyunsuk makes a noise of agreement, and leans over to rest his head on the other boy’s shoulder.

“Want to watch something?” Byunggon offers, reaching over to grab the remote off the coffee table. Hyunsuk makes a noise of agreement, and Byunggon switches on the tv, turning down the volume as to not disturb the other sleeping trainees. After a minute or two of flicking through channels, they settle on a variety show, the cheap graphics flashing neon across the screen. It’s not particularly enticing, but it’s more entertaining than the shopping channels. The two of them watch the show sleepily, the low audio giving it a strange edge. The mc announces something with a wide gesture, their mouth moving expressively around silent words as they shout to the contestants lined up on the other side of the stage.

“Do you think they’ve already decided the final line up?” Byunggon asks abruptly.

Hyunsuk looks up at him. “What?”

“Do you think they’ve already made up their minds about who’s going to debut?” Byunggon says. “Does all this competition really mean anything, or will they just change the criteria to get who they want in first place?”

“I... never really thought of that,” Hyunsuk admits after a moment. “That’s kind of depressing if it’s true.”

Byunggon seems to consider that for a second. “Kind of like destiny.”

“Weird, fake destiny,” Hyunsuk says around a yawn. He’s finally beginning to drift off to sleep, and he shifts to a more comfortable position against Byunggon’s side as he yawns again. Sleep rushes over him quickly now, and before long, he’s fallen asleep, the low murmur of the tv a gentle backdrop.

+

Hyunsuk frowns as he picks through his earrings. He's usually fairly organized with them, and rarely loses a pair, but he can't seem to find the particular ones he had wanted to match with his current outfit of the day. He sorts through them for a minute or two more, before recalling that he had lent them to Byunggon a week or two ago. It's fairly common for them all to share clothing or accessories, and he'd probably just forgotten to ask for them back. With a sigh, Hyunsuk puts away the various earrings scattered across the dresser from his search, and goes to look for Byunggon. He knocks on the closed door to Byunggon’s room, and a muffled “Come in,” greets him.

“Have you see-“ Hyunsuk’s words die in his throat the second he steps into the room. Byunggon's shirtless, which by itself isn't much of a shocker. You can only live with people for so long before you've eventually seen them in several different states of undress. Instead, it's what blooms across Byunggon's skin that kills Hyunsuk's speech.

The flower’s color is rich jewel tones, much more saturated and defined than Hyunsuk’s own. The petals curl around Byunggon’s shoulder, a few more darling leaves fluttering down his upper arm. Most importantly though, it's the same flower. A hollyhock, the functioning corner of Hyunsuk's brain helpfully informs him, recalling his googling from the night before.

Purely on instinct, Hyunsuk slams the door back shut and freezes. When Byunggon opens the door, he's finished putting his shirt on and the flowers are entirely concealed from view. He looks a little surprised to see Hyunsuk still standing there. He steps aside opens the door further to let Hyunsuk in. His eyes are downcast, and there’s a distinctly cautious air, like he’s expecting Hyunsuk or himself to bolt like a nervous rabbit. There’s something else in his expression though, something almost giddy, just hidden beneath layers of anxiety.

Although Hyunsuk’s first instinct is to say that he’d never thought of Byunggon as a potential soulmate, as someone he wishes was his soulmate, he has to admit to himself that that statement isn’t fully truthful. He had never really imagined a relationship, but it would be a lie to say that Hyunsuk had never looked at Byunggon and wanted to kiss him. It was more than that though, a warm affection that filled Hyunsuk’s chest at the mere thought of the older boy.

Looking at Byunggon though, his expression fixed in nervous anticipation, Hyunsuk is consumed by uncertainty. He feels as if the world is moving far too fast, from discovering his soulmark one day to having his best friend confess to him a few days later. Hyunsuk wishes he could pause time for a moment, just to really process everything.

In a better world, one with a braver Hyunsuk, he would step inside and talk with Byunggon, figure all this out. In this world though, Hyunsuk sort of twitches towards the open doorway, says, "Let's talk about this later." and then promptly tries to escape as fast as possible before he can hear Byunggon's reply.

It's something about how delicate Byunggon looks, his tall stature diminished in his usual one-size-too-big hoodie, his eyes filled with anticipation, that sends Hyunsuk fleeing. Logically, Hyunsuk realizes that himself running away is stupid and won’t solve anything, but he doesn’t trust himself in the moment, thoughts still whirling in a half formed flurry. His deflection is probably hurting Byunggon, but his own instinctive panic at the confrontation and risk of saying something directly to Byunggon have having to watch him break is far stronger than any force to keep him there in the moment.

"Are we leaving soon?" Hyunsuk asks Doyoung, who just happens to be the first person he sees in the dorm. Doyoung freezes, chopsticks halfway to his mouth. Hyunsuk becomes aware that he's panting slightly, and tries to control his breathing.

"We can go right now, I guess?" Doyoung says, picking up on Hyunsuk's urgency. He gives Hyunsuk odd looks the entire way to the training facility, but doesn't ask any questions, much to Hyunsuk's relief.

During practice, Hyunsuk can barely keep his focus, too focused on Byunggon, who had gotten there twenty minutes after them. The dance trainer notices, and his incessant poking and nagging eventually manages to pull Hyunsuk's focus back into place slightly.

Once dance practice is finished, Hyunsuk flees to one of the smaller rooms. They’re scattered around the building, noise proofed enough for practicing singing and rapping comfortably. Hyunsuk scribbles out some lyrics, but they fall flat, his mind too focussed on the whole soulmate issue to really produce anything worth while. With a huff of frustration, Hyunsuk flips his notebook shut and leans back in his chair, staring the the fluorescent bulb on the ceiling. It flickers intermittently, and Hyunsuk thinks that for all the money YG has, they can be awfully cheap. His distraction by lightbulb only lasts so long though, and soon enough, his thoughts circle back to the soulmark.

Idols aren’t really supposed to have soulmarks. It sounds kind of stupid, phrased like that given the fact that it’s entirely involuntary, but it’s true. It’s part of the fantasy that they’re supposed to provide, that any fan out there could be their soulmate if only given the opportunity. Hyunsuk wonders if a fan has ever found themself with a soulmark after a fan meet or other similar event. It’s not like the entertainment company would ever let them pursue a relationship. It seems even more doubtful that an entertainment company would ever let someone who already knew their soulmate debut. If YG knew, would he let Hyunsuk and Byunggon debut together? Hyunsuk rolls over and presses his face into his pillow. He recalls Byunggon’s clear eyes, looking back at him with all that caution and expectance that morning, his love written in his gaze and across their skin, and Hyunsuk wants to scream.

Instead, he buries his face in his hands and lets out a quiet strangled noise, the closest he can get to a scream even in the noise sealed chamber of the practice room he's in.

A knock sounds at the door, and Hyunsuk looks up, wondering if someone had somehow heard his noises of distress. The practice room is small enough that he can lean back in his chair to open the door, and he does so. His lower-than-eye-level gaze meets a pair of black sweatpants, and he looks upwards for his eyes to meet Byunggon's. For his part, Byunggon looks rather determined. He also looks like he'd cried at some point earlier that day, eyes slightly puffy, but Hyunsuk pointedly tries to ignore that and the accompanying pain that stabs through his chest everytime he notices.

"Can we talk about this now?" Byunggon asks, and his voice steady, steadier than Hyunsuk expects his own to be.

"Can't we do this at the dorm or something?" Hyunsuk asks, and his voice comes out pretty good all things considered.

"I would rather just get it over with now." Byunggon says, and his expression pinches in a way that Hyunsuk recognizes as the older boy holding back tears.

"I-" Hyunsuk cuts himself off, trying to gather his thoughts, scattered by the suggestion of Byunggon's tears.

"Three days ago." Byunggon says suddenly.

"What?" Hyunsuk asks, thoughts scattering once again as Byunggon breaks into the quiet.

"When we were watching that drama three days ago, that's when it appeared."

It. The soulmark. Hyunsuk doesn't know how he feels about the roundabout way of talking about it, but it's not like he's really in a position to lecture Byunggon on avoiding the topic of soulmates directly.

Byunggon hesitates, and when he speaks this time, he goes a little pink, eyes shifting away from Hyunsuk's. "You leaned over to put your head on my shoulder, and put your hand on my knee, that's when it formed."

"What?" He repeats instead, trying to puzzle the situation out. "Don't we do that kind of stuff all the time?"

"Yeah," Byunggon says, and he still won't meet Hyunsuk's gaze. "But that doesn't mean it isn't special for me."

"So why that time?" Hyunsuk persists. He's confused more than anything, trying to mentally pick through a million and one tiny interactions between him and Byunggon, trying to discover what made that particular one special. The whole situation is throwing him off balance, the constant shifting between confrontation and avoidance on Byunggon's side.

"I don't know!" Byunggon exclaims, throwing up his hands in exasperation. "I would say your guess is as good as mine but apparently you don't care as much as I do!"

"That's not true," Hyunsuk protests, but without him confessing, the words fall flat. He desperately wants to let his worries fall away, to stop caring about the consequences of a relationship, to take Byunggon's hands in his own, to look the older boy in the eyes and tell him as much, that they're soulmates, that they'll make it work. But he doesn't just scrabbles for words to express that they really shouldn't pursue this, that it'll end in nothing but sadness and upset, that there's no way YG will let them debut if they're soulmates, if they're trying to keep this all under the table.

Byunggon stares at him with an emotion that straddles the border between exasperation and hurt quite skillfully, seemingly unaware of Hyunsuk's internal struggle.

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Well I'm not sure how else you could've meant it!"

Hyunsuk feels far too close to Byunggon in the cramped space, and he suddenly wishes they had chosen to do this in the dance practice room. Even though there would've been a higher chance of someone walking in, the chances of Hyunsuk being able to make his escape would have been higher. As it is, Byunggon's standing in front of the door, effectively trapping Hyunsuk into the conversation.

"Look," Hyunsuk says, abandoning any plans to go about it subtly. "It's not practical."

The way Byunggon's eyes widen in shock and hurt flashes across his expression is like a slap to the face, but Hyunsuk powers on, even as his own eyes sting with tears.

"There's no way they'll let us debut if we're soulmates." Hyunsuk says, and his words are catching in his throat, Byunggon's expression falling from shock to something pained and a little desperate. "You know that."

"We can make it work," Byunggon says, and his voice has a ragged edge, eyes searching Hyunsuk's expression with a desperation that tears at Hyunsuk like a physical pain.. "We're soulmates."

He says it with such conviction that Hyunsuk momentarily lets his worries be swept away, lets himself believe, just for a moment, that maybe, just maybe, there's a way.

“I can’t,” Hyunsuk says, and he turns away before Byunggon can see his fragile expression. In the corner of his vision, he sees the other boy stiffen before slumping. Without speaking, Byunggon leaves. The door shuts with a final click, and Hyunsuk’s heart snaps in half just as surely.

In the loneliness of the empty room, Hyunsuk lets himself cry.


	2. Chapter 2

Despite his sharp denial towards Byunggon and himself, there's a distinctly unresolved feeling that comes over Hyunsuk every time he sees Byunggon. It gnaws at him incessantly, but Hyunsuk's not even sure what it is. He doesn't know what to say to banish the feeling, and makes the executive decision to ignore it until it goes away. A side effect of this is that he starts ignoring Byunggon. Maybe ignoring is the wrong word. Ignorance implies a lack of acknowledgement, while what Hyunsuk's doing certainly does. It's more actively avoiding, manifesting as him making as quick an exit as possible whenever there's a strong chance of him and Byunggon having a direct interaction. Byunggon doesn’t seem particularly opposed to this, his expression shifting into unhappiness everytime he thinks Hyunsuk and the others aren’t looking.

Regret grows inside of Hyunsuk like a cancer, filling his lungs until he feels like he’s drowning in it. Their mutual avoidance only exacerbates it, Byunggon’s avoidance of his gaze like a wave crashing over him, choking further. Sometimes, Hyunsuk can barely hold himself back from confessing, that he does want all that their soulmarks entail, that his denial hurts him just as much as it hurts Byunggon. At the end of the day though, Hyunsuk doesn’t. He’s set himself on this path, and no matter how much it hurts now, he’s certain the alternative will hurt far more in time.

"Want to watch this drama with us?" Junkyu asks cheerfully the next day, brandishing the remote. Hyunsuk looks at the screen, and pauses. It's a drama he had only watched after being cajoled into it by Byunggon. He almost wants to say yes, but when he locks eyes with Byunggon, who's sitting on the other side of the couch, the other trainee makes no move to try and convince him to stay. Hyunsuk's attention returns to Junkyu, and his presence suddenly feels like a wall between himself and Byunggon.

"Uh," Hyunsuk locks eyes with Byunggon once again, and his nerve fails him. "I'm alright, you guys have fun."

Byunggon looks away, but Hyunsuk still sees the hurt that flashes in the the other trainee's eyes.

Junkyu seems to pick up on the tension, eyes flicking between them, but tactfully ignores it. "Okay."

Hyunsuk spins around and resolutely walks towards his room. As he leaves, he can hear the trailing end of Junkyu and Byunggon's conversation.

"I thought he liked these kind of dramas," Junkyu says. "You guys always watch them together."

“I guess he’s just tired of them,” Byunggon says. There’s an note to his voice, a sort of tired apathy and sadness, and something uncomfortable presses inside Hyunsuk’s chest.

In front of the others, they’re cordial enough, but it’s shallow. Hyunsuk’s sure that the others have seen through their meagre attempts to cover it all up, but no one directly questions them, just observing cautiously.

+

All of Treasure A is close. It's hard not to be, when you've suffered for hours on end together working towards a mutual goal. Within this though, they're closer to some than others. While at some point Hyunsuk and Byunggon would have been unanimously chosen as the closest, things have shifted, and Hyunsuk suspects that Seunghun and Byunggon would receive a few votes if that particular odd situation ever arose.

The two of them seem to have gravitated towards each other, and it feels like everytime Hyunsuk sees either Seunghun or Byunggon, the other is no more than a few feet away. He can’t help but feel like he’s intruding whenever an opportunity to hang out with them arises. At least Byunggon still makes an attempt to treat Hyunsuk normally, greeting him with a smile. Seunghun mostly gives him weird, scrutinizing looks of judgement every time Hyunsuk makes eye contact with him. It doesn’t seem maliciously judgemental, but it still puts Hyunsuk on edge. It comes to head a few days later.

It’s one of the rare times when Hyunsuk finds himself alone with Seunghun. The rest of Treasure A is practicing or otherwise out of the dorm, leaving the two of them to eat alone. The dinner was one from a day or two ago, reheated in the microwave. Seunghun hands a plate to Hyunsuk silently, and they wander over to the living room to eat. There’s a low table there, and they sit on the floor to eat. It’s mostly quiet, and Hyunsuk wishes they could turn on the television or something, just the break up the silence. Hyunsuk clears his throat, to ask, but Seunghun looks at Hyunsuk, an unreadable expression on his face, and his words shrivel up in his throat. Hyunsuk would like to think that after so long he would be able to tell what the others are thinking, but Seunghun is making him reconsider that. Something about the intensity of Seunghun’s eyes makes Hyunsuk feel like his thoughts have been printed across his forehead in bold. Hyunsuk discreetly flattens his bangs down so his forehead is covered.

"Is there something you want to say?" Hyunsuk finally snaps, unable to take Seunghun's cryptic judgement any longer. Seunghun looks legitimately surprised for a second, like he didn't expect Hyunsuk to actually respond.

"Yeah, there is actually," Seunghun says staring Hyunsuk straight on. "What's your problem with Byunggon?"

Hyunsuk stabs at his chicken and avoids Seunghun's suddenly piercing gaze. They're on a diet once again, slimming down for the cameras and crowds once again. Hyunsuk wonders if spices and seasonings really have that many calories in them, because their meal plans seem blander than strictly necessary. He could probably get away with putting some kind of sauce on his chicken.

"Stop avoiding the question," Seunghun says, slamming his fork down on the table. Hyunsuk jumps a little at the sudden noise.

“It’s nothing,” Hyunsuk says. The top of his chicken is starting to look less and less appealing the longer he pokes at it.

Seunghun scoffs. “Really?”

“What, we have to only hang out with each other?” Hyunsuk snaps. “Maybe we’re just tired of hanging out with each other!”

“I might believe that, except you two went from practically sleeping together to scheduling your practice times around each other!” Seunghun says, voice rising.

“Why do you even care!” Hyunsuk exclaims. “If anything I thought you might be happy that you have him all to yourself now!”

Seunghun’s eyes widen in shock and Hyunsuk’s mouth snaps shut. He had wondered before, if Seunghun was, or had ever been, attracted to Byunggon. If he had ever wished a soulmark would bloom between them. It had never really been something that he thought over too hard, but in the face of Seunghun’s shock at his statement, it rears its head.

Silence falls, but Hyunsuk’s outburst lingers in the air like a tangible thing, filling the space between them.

“I care about him,” Seunghun says finally. “I care about both of you, and it hurts to see you two hurting each other like this.”

His words are delivered with a naked honesty, the emotion they contain raw and unrefined. Hyunsuk swallows, and meets Seunghun’s gaze, suddenly chastened.

“It’s about the... soulmates thing, right?” Seunghun says, and he sounds more tired than anything.

"He told you?" Hyunsays, surprise coloring his tone. He had just assumed that Byunggon was being as cagey about it as he was, and would have tried to keep it secret.

"Sort of," Seunghun admits. "I saw it by accident and asked him about it. He wouldn't tell me at first but I asked if it was you, and he said that it was."

"Do you think anyone else knows?" Hyunsuk asks.

"I don't know if anyone else knows about the specifics, but I think everyone's picked up on the fact the both of you are acting like the other doesn't exist." Seunghun says.

"Oh," Hyunsuk says. The silence that falls afterwards carries an air of expectancy.

"Is it because he's gay?" Seunghun's gaze goes sharp and accusatory, and Hyunsuk holds up his hands like they'll protect him from the invisible knives Seunghun seems to be intent on impaling him with.

"Fuck no," Hyunsuk says. "Thats whatever. Doesn't bother me."

Seunghun settles back in his seat, pacified for the moment. "Alright then, what is it?"

"It's..." Hyunsuk trails off, struggling to articulate his thoughts. It feels to callous to just say that "it's not practical", but Hyunsuk doesn't know what else to say. Seunghun's still looking at him with those sharp eyes, and Hyunsuk makes a snap decision.

"I guess that..." Hyunsuk pauses, and it's physically painful, the words on the tip of his tongue. "I guess I just don't feel that way about him."

Seunghun's expression momentarily returns to its previously unreadable state, the emotion flickering over his features for only a heartbeat. It doesn't seem suspicious though, and the way his eyes soften slightly a moment later all but confirms Hyunsuk's assumption that the older boy believes the lie.

“You shouldn’t pretend,” Seunghun says. “But you should give him a chance. People don’t just form soulmarks randomly.”

Hyunsuk wonders if Seunghun will tell this all to Byunggon, and simultaneously prays for and against it. On one hand, him not having to directly confront Byunggon about it. On the other, Byunggon probably judging him for being too cowardly to tell him to his face. It's frustrating, mostly because Hyunsuk knows that if Seunghun did tell Byunggon, the older trainee probably wouldn't judge him, and just get that sad look on his face and insist that no, he's okay, and then write a depressing rap that he would burn the next morning in some kind of shitty catharsis. In short, almost the exact same reaction as when Byunggon had been interested in some cute flirty cashier at the store near the building, only for Hyunsuk to later see them kiss their girlfriend a few weeks later and tell Byunggon.

Hyunsuk realizes that he's been zoning out, and that Seunghun's expression has turned from mysterious to mildly concerned and frustrated.

“Finding your soulmate is a once in a lifetime opportunity,” Seunghun says. “Trying to dismiss it is just…”

His words trail off, but the sentiment is clearly enough expressed in the frustration on his face. 

"I can't," Hyunsuk says, but he can't meet Seunghun's eyes, too afraid of what the older boy will see in his expression.

When he does finally meet Seunghun's gaze, there’s a lingering sadness in the other boy's eyes. “As long as that’s really what you want.”

Seunghun’s words stick in Hyunsuk’s mind for far longer than he expected. The other trainee’s directness had given his words a lasting impression, and they ring through Hyunsuk’s thoughts. Coming from Byunggon, the claim that they could make it despite being soulmates had seemed insubstantial. From Seunghun, someone slightly more divorced from the situation, it became more legitimized, given a credit it hadn’t had before. Hyunsuk can’t help the tendril of hope that grows inside him, encouraged by Seunhun’s affirmation. It’s remarkably tenacious.

The part that lingers the longest though is the older trainee’s final statement. The longer Hyunsuk antagonizes, the more he realizes that only a friendship isn’t what he wants. Despite his attempts to rationalize to himself that his idol career is much more important, and the end of the day it’s Byunggon that his mind circles back around to. No matter how much he denies it, to Byunggon, to Seunghun, to himself, he does want to love Byunggon, to be able to shout to the world that he loves Byunggon, so damn much.

That’s when Hyunsuk really, truely, realizes how far in he is.

His soulmark reflects this as well, a new flower blooming in shades of pink across Hyunsuk’s knee. The flowers are several shades more vibrant, their previous translucent color deepening until the tone of Hyunsuk’s skin is barely visible beneath. Hyunsuk touches it gingerly, but like before, there’s no odd feeling. If he closed his eyes, Hyunsuk could easily pretend that there’s nothing there at all. Even when he does though, it's image remains painted across the back of his eyelids, an unavoidable reminder.

+

It seems that the moment Hyunsuk reaches his realization, finding himself alone to talk with Byunggon becomes an impossible task. Every time he thinks he's close to cornering the other trainee, he spits an excuse at Hyunsuk and vanishes. It's frustrating, and Hyunsuk takes to lurking around the dorm waiting for Byunggon to appear. Mostly it results in him startling the other Treasure A members when he leaps out at the sound of footsteps.

"Isn't there a less weird way you could do this?" Yedam says in exasperation after having Hyunsuk appear without warning from behind the bathroom door for what is probably the third time by now.

"Apparently not," Hyunsuk says, kicking at the floor in frustration. He had tried texting Byunggon multiple times as well, but the few replies he had gotten had few and far between, usually nothing more than the bare minimum to end the conversation. It’s frustrating, but Hyunsuk knows that there’s no one to blame but himself. He had consciously chosen to shut Byunggon down before, and he can hardly blame Byunggon for not wanting to see him.

Yedam cocks his head at Hyunsuk, but doesn't say anything more, just sighs and gives him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.

+

When Hyunsuk finally finds himself alone with Byunggon, it’s completely unexpected. 

It’s the middle of the night, and once again, Hyubsuk finds himself unable to sleep. He tosses and turns, but it’s his restless thoughts keeping him uo ratger than any discomfort of his bed. Resigning himself, Hyunsuk slips out of bed and wanders over to main room, pulling on a hoodie as he goes. Even with the heating, the winter chill still creeps into the dorm.

When Hyunsuk sees who’s already in the main room though, he stops in the doorway. Byunggon’s sitting on the couch, legs tucked up against him and his arms wrapped around them. He looks small, sitting in the dark of the living room like that, only the glow of the tv casting his sleepy features in light. Hyunsuk has the urge to ask Byunggon why he isn’t sleeping, but he doesn’t, instead walking over to the couch and tv.

“What’re you watching?” Hyunsuk says, flopping down on to the couch. Byunggon looks at him, surprise at Hyunsuk’s greeting evident, but takes it in stride.

“Some variety show. It was the only thing on.”

With a spark of surprise, Hyunsuk realizes that it’s the same one they had watched together the last time he had found himself awake at such an hour. An odd sense of dejavu comes over him as he sits there, as if everything between then and now had been nothing more than some strange dream. Hyunsuk feels like he's at a fork in the road, two paths stretching out before him, both shadowed in uncertainty. With a steadying breath, he steps forward.

"When I said I wanted to stay friends, I wasn't just saying it," Hyunsuk says quietly into the darkness, throat dry. "I meant it."

In his peripheral vision, he sees Byunggon stiffen a little. He doesn't look at him though, and Hyunsuk feels something tighten in his chest. He wishes Byunggon would say something, anything. The silence is more painful than an argument, laced with a million possibilities both good and bad.

"I... I miss you, Byunggon, so fucking much," Hyunsuk says, and oh god, a single tear has managed to sneak out and roll down his cheek. Hyunsuk takes a millisecond to thank god that they're doing this in the dark so Byunggon can't see it. It feels selfish of him to broadcast his own upset while he's trying to address Byunggon's.

"I'm sorry for avoiding you afterwards, for never giving you a chance," Hyunsuk says, and the lack of visual cues becomes a moot point as his voice cracks halfway into the end of his words. "I... I let myself believe I knew what was best for us without thinking that maybe you were right."

Byunggon still hasn't moved, his gaze fixed pointedly away from him. Hyunsuk's torn between a desire to grab the other boy and shake him until he acknowledges his words, and to shut up and pretend the last minute or so never happened.

"You were just trying to protect yourself, us," Byunggon says finally, and his voice has a brittle edge to it, like he's as close to tears as Hyunsuk was. "I... I understand."

Byunggon turns to look at him, and even in the dim flickering light given off by the tv, Hyunsuk can see the unhappiness and regret that creases the other boy's face. He's struck with the urge to reach over and smooth them out, his hand moving from where it's tucked in his hoodie pocket in an aborted movement.

Hyunsuk isn’t scared of much, but when it comes to these delicate  
feelings, to the choice that can define his future in the blink of an eye, Hyunsuk is all too afraid. Part of him still just wishes that they could return to the safety of friendship, to a relationship that doesn’t send Hyunsuk’s life goals into the wind. But when he looks up at Byunggon, he believes, he has to believe, that there’s a future there, a future made brighter in so many ways by the simple fact of a relationship that could be, and his heart warms. Hyunsuk gives Byunggon a shaky smile, and the older boy's eyes soften.

“Can I have one last chance?” Hyunsuk whispers. Byunggon meets his eyes, and his expression is filled with a gentle forgiveness, enough to make Hyunsuk think that he doesn't deserve Byunggon. 

"Of course," Byunggon says, and when he folds Hyunsuk in his arms, and it's like the rest of the world falls away, nothing except the warmth between them remaining.


	3. Chapter 3

They don't go back to exactly how they were, but they're certainly more comfortable then they were previously. The both of them stop actively trying to avoid each other, and regain the ability carry on conversations. Seunghun's expression upon seeing Hyunsuk moves from judgmental to quietly satisfied. It kind of irritates Hyunsuk, irrational as it is, but his making up with Byunggon had been in part due to the other boy's encouragement to talk, so he lets it go. Despite their lack of active avoidance, they still don't really make a considerable effort to spend time together. Sure, they have no problem going to the training facility together, but they're not scheduling it specifically so they can. As a result, they don't actually end up spending that much time together. Hyunsuk hadn't really noticed it too much before, but without a concentrated effort to make time to see each other, they just... don't.

It's when they have a rare day off, and Hyunsuk’s taken the opportunity to lie in bed and vegetate on his phone for the day. He feels kind of guilty doing so little, but he rationalizes it by the fact that every other day is the complete opposite.

He’s just made himself a cup of tea and settled on his bed when there’s a tentative knock on the door.

“Come in,” Hyunsuk calls from where he’s sitting on his bed. It’s not that late, but they’ve finished training for the day, let off relatively early for once. The door creaks open a little, and Byunggon pokes his head in around it. Hyunsuk springs up from where he’s sitting. “Hey!”

His voice comes out overly excited, surprised by Byunggon's seemingly voluntary approach of him. Byunggon seems a little taken aback, but he doesn’t immediately leave, which, as far as Hyunsuk is concerned, an improvement.

"The others want snacks," Byunggon explains. "Want to come with me to the corner store?"

"Sure, sure,” Hyunsuk says. He rifles around in the closet for a minute of two for a jacket, before retrieving one he deems appropriate for the wintery weather.

Despite his preparation for it, the cold air hits Hyunsuk like a slap to the face, and he blinks aggressively as his eyes water. As they begin walking, the cold seeps through Hyunsuk's layers, and he shivers slightly. Byunggon offers him his scarf, which Hyunsuk takes after a second.

"Thanks," He says, wrapping it around his neck and burrowing into it. It smells like the fabric softener Junkyu insists on dousing their clothes in, and something faint but distinctly Byunggon. It makes Hyunsusk feel a little creepy that he can identify the specific smell of Byunggon, but it's comforting enough that Hyunsuk pointedly ignores any weirdness and just appreciates the way the lower half of his face has thawed out.

The store is warmer than the outside air, and Hyunsuk pulls his scarf down slightly as they make their way towards the drink coolers.

"You're getting a cold drink?" Hyunsuk asks as Byunggon pulls out a can. "It's practically sub zero outside."

"Practically," Byunggon says, placing the drink in the basket they'd gotten at the front of the store. "But not quite."

Hyunsuk laughs. "You gonna wait until it snows to stop?"

Byunggon shrugs. "We'll see."

They tackle the chips aisle next, browsing the bags and packages. The range of choice is surprisingly large, given the size of the store, and they spend several minutes debating over which to purchase. They finally manage to narrow down their choices to a reasonable number, and carry them over to the cashier, who dutifully scans them. They pay and thank the cashier, then leave the store, purchases in hand.

The air's grown colder, if it's possible, and Hyunsuk snuggles deeper in the scarf, trying to preserve any scrap of warmth he can.

“Do you think it’ll snow soon?” Byunggon asks, looking up at the cloudy night sky when they've stopped at a crosswalk. 

Hyunsuk squints up at it as well. The cloud cover is patchy enough that a few stars can be seen in the darker spaces between. “Maybe? Last year it had already snowed by now.”

The light switches to green, crosswalk light blinking, and Hyunsuk starts off across the street. A moment later, he realizes that Byunggon isn’t next to him, and turns to see the other trainee still standing on the curb, not crossing. Hyunsuk thinks about calling out to him, but there something in Byunggon’s expression draws him back until he’s once again standing on the sidewalk next to him.

“You coming?” Hyunsuks asks, cocking his head. Byunggon looks to Hyunsuk. His expression is tinged with hesitance, but he’s smiling.

“Thanks for coming with me,” He says. There's a depth to his words, some implied message that slips through Hyunsuk's fingers before he can catch its meaning.

"It's cool," Hyunsuk replies, and the words, although technically appropriate, seem inadequate. Byunggon smiles at him, and a warm sense of comfort settles in Hyunsuk’s chest.

True to Hyunsuk’s feeling, the simple trip to the convenience store does change something. They’ve remembered how easy it is to be with one another, and natural as that, slip back into each other’s orbits. Hyunsuk and Byunggon, Byunggon and Hyunsuk.

Beyond their rediscovered closeness though, Hyunsuk’s request for time still lingers between them. Although neither of them bring is up, it hangs in the air, palpable in it’s lack of resolution. For all that Hyunsuk’s usually so expressive with his emotions, he dances around his ones towards Byunggon with a remarkable amount of hesitance.

Hyunsuk almost wishes he could just tell the others about the whole soulmates thing to get their advice. As it is though, he knows how much relies on the fact being secret. Seunghun knows, and Hyunsuk briefly considers asking him, but he'd probably just end up with the same advice. Just talk to Byunggon.

Just like last time, Hyunsuk can't find Byunggon the moment he decides to talk to him. This time, thankfully, it's less that Byunggon's avoiding him and more the fact no one has a clue where he is. He's not in the living room or his own room, and he doubts that the older boy had gone to practice on one of their rare days off. He asks around, but most of the others just shrug, unsure as to Byunggon's where abouts.

"I think I might've seen him go onto the porch?" Doyoung volunteers finally.

The porch of their dorm is cramped normally, and ice cold now that it's winter, but it's also really the only place to get any real privacy in the dorm. The small space is occupied by a plastic chair and a few plants, now shriveled by the winter climate. The one redeeming factor is the view, the dorm located on a floor high enough that they get a decent view of the street and buildings. There’s a small park nearby, and in the spring they’re treated to a pool of pink as the trees bloom. Unfortunately, it’s winter, and rather than a fluffy pink, the park is bristling with dark, prickly branches, stripped bare by the winter cold.

Despite all that, Byunggon's sitting there, hands shoved into his hoodie pocket and face obscured by the hood. Quietly, Hyunsuk sits down next to him, not saying a word for fear of disturbing the bubble of peace that seems to have settled on the dingy porch. Byunggon offers his hand silently, and Hyunsuk takes it, folding his smaller hand around the older boy's.

"I love you," Hyunsuk says. Although his voice is quiet, the words ring through the air startlingly. Byunggon looks towards him, and the surprise in his eyes jolts Hyunsuk to the realization that even after all this time, neither of them have said those three words to each other. Maybe they had said them before, when all they were were friends, but this time, the intent behind them is so much more.

Hyunsu wants to say so much more, to tell Byunggon that he doesn't want to live like he doesn't know that they're soulmates, that he wants them to be by each other's sides as long as time allows. When Byunggon looks at him though, Hyunsuk knows that it doesn't need to be said. Byunggon's expression says it all.

"I love you too, Choi Hyunsuk."

Byunggon's voice is suffused with happiness, and his smile matches, blooming across his face and crinkling his eyes with the pure amount of joy.

Hyunsuk leans up to kiss Byunggon, and it's somehow everything he expected yet completely different. Fireworks don't go off and Hyunsuk doesn't explode with pure joy. Instead, it's like coming home at the end of the day, soft and easy and comfortable.

Even in the winter air, Hyunsuk has never felt warmer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr @[UltVisual](ultvisual)


End file.
